-This blogskin is only temporary-

2012-02-20T02:12:00.002+08:00

When the world is against you, you crawl into the underworld and build a sanctuary.

I had so much to lose. And I lost it all.
All you had to lose was your temper.
You put the blame on me.
You win. I give in.

2012-01-22T13:05:00.002+08:00

I dont know how I should feel about him.

He has caused so much hurt and problems to all of us.

Yet, although a huge part of me couldn't be fucked about him, there's that small part that yearns for him. The part that wishes I had a normal dad. The little 14 year old girl in me that'll never go away because she could never have a daddy's touch in her life.

2012-01-22T00:08:00.003+08:00

A whole new level of fatigue washes over me as I recall my past two days.

Living life as the days blur into one.

I can't seem to put my mind to what happened. My feelings are mixed, as they always are. Perhaps this is how most "mentally unstable" people start out. Unaware of their actual feelings and motives, they behave on impulse but are never able to comprehend what leads them to their random acts.

I still don't know what I feel after all this. I know I feel many things and none at all at the same time.

I just wish I could pretend things were okay. Go back to the years of blissful denial and ignorance. Have a normal relationship, with normal feelings.

But I know they were ultimately "play pretend". Concealing the truth. Denying the truth. Rejecting the truth. But then the truth throws itself upon me. And I'm forced to accept it. I'm forced to wake up. I'm forced to stand and stare at my world crumbling right before my very eyes.

And still end the day with a "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine :)"

2012-01-10T18:28:00.003+08:00

Iam at a rather unexplainable point in my life. Iam neither here nor there. So I hardly know what to feel about many things.

My mind is often hazy these days. I can't quite focus my mind to a particular thought. I think on impulse and live my days in the most random of ways. One second I could be totally lazy and in desperate need of doing pure nothingness, and the very next second I'm getting ready to go out for a random meal.

Iam neither bored, nor excited about anything. It is quite a disturbing prospect but I don't feel disturbed. I don't even know if I feel numb.

Time doesn't pass by anymore. It simply zooms right past. Anyway, here's me trying to focus my mind in this post:

I have about 5 weeks left of this internship. My initial plan was to continue working here for the next few months so I at least have a stable income. However, now Iam not too sure. I feel myself wearing out and the desperate need for a vacation is tearing at me mercilessly.

Also, I hate that when I attempted to play my piano a few days ago, my fingers felt so weak. I have neglected my music for far too long.

Beat.

Now I'm starting to feel something. I'm feeling angry. I spent my past 2 years doing what? Forcing myself to school to study masscom. Fighting with mum every single fucking day. Wasting time with useless guys and sacrificing energy, time and money for friends who now lead their own carefree lives without a speck of thought. And in these past two years, my standard of a grade 6 classical pianist have dropped to a bloody grade 2. I can't even do scales without stopping halfway. And that's just at C Major!

What I would do to go back and change the way I led my life.

I wouldn't be sitting in this stupid office staring at the laptop and writing this redundant post that no one would read except those bot taggers.
I wouldn't be broke.
wouldn't be depressive and unstable.
I wouldn't be alone.
I would have had music.Music's neglecting me now because I neglected it.

Fuck it.

2011-12-26T22:57:00.003+08:00

A million voices in me

A million screams

A million bleeding throats

A million voices in me

But only one mouth

No ears

And a dying heart

2011-12-16T16:07:00.002+08:00

Tonight is the night I test myself. If I screw up again like I did for seven inch, then I know Iam not meant to go solo. If tonight I am able to deliver, I will proceed to work on a solo album/EP.

Iam ridiculously nervous, paranoid and worried about tonight. It annoys me to eternity everytime someone goes "You'll do fine. You're a natural". How can you say how I'll do if I haven't done it yet? How can you assume the outcome of something that you have no idea of? Stop telling me I'll do fine if you don't even know what I'm doing.

My throat chose the perfect time to be dry and constricted. I didn't even smoke these past few days. Plus my face and hair are in a horrible mess. Breakouts and frizzy hair. I need to start pampering my body.

Dying for some yummy food. I cannot wait for my first pay to come in so I can kick the instant noodles out of my daily meals. It's such a pain in the stomache and isn't doing any good for my weight.

Ouh well, all the best to me for tonight!

2011-12-15T15:52:00.006+08:00

Watching the girls in love series is so unhealthy. I actually feel like a lovesick 16 year old waiting for a cute boy to talk to me and I can imagine me freaking out as though I've never even seen a boy before.

*snapping back to reality*

I guess I'm quite glad to know that my lecturer's proud of how I'm doing here. She says she really didn't expect me to adapt so well to this working environment. I guess I could agree with her. But it's only been 3 weeks. It's too early to tell.

Ouh gosh I'm doing it again! The guy in Girls in love kinda looks abit like him! 0.0

*SNAP BACK*

Okay so tomorrow's my solo show at the Goth party. I swear I'm so freaked. The last time I performed solo, it was a major colossal flop. I felt like just dissapearing. And now my throat's being super dry and stubborn and I didn't even smoke at all today pfft.

And he's not coming. I guess it's a good thing, less nervous. But still, can't help feeling sad.

I'm being really silly.

2011-12-03T02:11:00.003+08:00

I have fucking had it.

How many things do you wanna throw at me all at once huh God?

If you're up there, if you even fucking exist, WHAT IS YOUR POINT IN DOING THIS?

2011-11-22T01:01:00.005+08:00

I will never forgive myself for yesterday. I will never fucking forgive myself for it

She wants to go home, but nobody's home
That's where she lies; broken inside
There's no place to go, no place to go
To dry her eyes, broken inside
She's lost inside, lost inside.

2011-11-01T18:01:00.001+08:00

"Don't be afraid of being ashamed about how you look like."
"Don't be afraid of being ashamed about how you look like."
"Don't be afraid of being ashamed about how you look like."
"Don't be afraid of being ashamed about how you look like."
"Don't be afraid of being ashamed about how you look like."

2011-11-01T02:33:00.008+08:00

"Don't be afraid of being ashamed about how you look like."
I have never felt uglier.
Thank you.

He used to make me feel like the most beautiful person alive.
He used to make me want to love every curve, every scar, every blemish and every imperfection.
That feeling has become a faded memory.

As has he.

2011-10-29T21:46:00.002+08:00

Celebrating Helloween with my best friends.
~Feels like pins and needles in my heart~

2011-10-29T03:36:00.000+08:00

How I long for sanctuary.

2011-10-29T02:55:00.005+08:00

Think of your darkest nights. Think of your soul alone.
If you can bear the sight, think of the love you've never known.
Yes it's unusual to live your life this way.
All I can say,
Maybe that's why you don't see faces like mine everyday.

2011-10-22T14:40:00.001+08:00

I'm genuinely scared.

Please let it not be real. Please go away quick. Please.

2011-10-21T02:28:00.002+08:00

My brain feels so dysfunctional.
My emotions feel so messed up.
I am so fucking lost.

2011-10-18T05:25:00.002+08:00

I ask not for sympathy. Merely solitude.

"You portray a tough image, but I have a feeling deep down inside you're soft and sensitive. I want to know that Syadza."

I'm sorry, she's dead.

2011-09-18T05:09:00.003+08:00

My body is self destructing. Only one night of proper sleep in 6 days.

Mindfucked.Permanently.

Living is Dying.

2011-08-09T03:52:00.004+08:00

~It's safe to say I'm nothing now.~

~If I don't come back here will you remember me~

It's safe to say I'm dead now.

Plaster a permanent smile on my face and no one will know.

Cuz no one will care to know.

2011-04-08T00:43:00.002+08:00

I find it most execrable when people who lack the capability of forming a sentence with proper grammar attempt to be poetic. The repugnance of the outcome never fails to sicken me.

2011-03-27T00:45:00.001+08:00

Can I just drop all defenses?

2011-03-19T14:54:00.003+08:00

In my life, men are not the heroes. Men are weak, hurtful and can hardly take care of themselves. And we women have to be strong for our lives and those around us.

Perhaps generations of this has made me who I am today. Unopen to love, rough, tough and ungentle and defensive of external penetrating forces.

But women, regardless, would always have that little girl inside of them who yearn for a man to save her.

2011-03-03T00:27:00.004+08:00

Am in such a gothic mood tonight. Which isn't a good thing considering I have an exam paper later in the day which I haven't even studied for at all. Ouh well.

I have my candles lit in a circle with soothing gothic music blasting from my lappie, something I haven't done in months. Staring at my witchcraft book, just wondering to myself why I ever dropped the idea of learning it.

I remember how I used to crave for blood and the feeling of pain for pleasure.

They all seem so far away now.

~All I wish is to dream again~

2011-03-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

Avril lavigne - Alice

I'll be fine =)

2011-03-02T17:05:00.002+08:00

I consider the possibility that you are trying to destroy me.

2011-02-28T00:20:00.003+08:00

~There's a whole lot of things that I will forgive, but I just can't take a liar.~

Then why have I been hurting the whole day wishing that things will be fine again despite knowing that you've broken your promise and refuse to admit it.

I feel like a bloody fool.
I don't think I deserve to feel like a fool.

Not for you.
I deserve better.

So why am I still hurting?
Why am I still wishing?

2011-02-22T01:19:00.001+08:00

Suddenly I feel lost in life.

2011-02-20T23:31:00.003+08:00

I dont know if you will ever come across this blog. If you do, then it shows that you care enough to make the effort to look for me. If you don't, then, well we all already know I'm just the fool.

If being with me like this isn't making you happy, then perhaps let me go? Cuz it hurts to see you post statuses like that despite knowing you have someone with you. When you're alone, you talk about finding someone, and now that you have found someone, it's as though you decided being single is better.

If you really like me for more than a year like you said you did, then why do I feel like nothing more than a mere infatuation? It's not the about the money or time spent, but it's the things you do and say that matter the most.

And right now it seems that I matter the least.

2011-02-12T12:45:00.001+08:00

Why do girls always have more to lose than the guys?

2011-02-05T02:31:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry I keep pushing you away, my friend.
I'm sorry that this is hurting you.

But I'm doing this so that you can have a better life.
I love you, my friend. So much.
And for that reason I need to keep you happy.
And you can't be happy with me around in your life.

I'm sorry. I can only pray that in time you will understand, and forgive me.

~Best safety lies in fear~

2011-02-04T13:53:00.003+08:00

To hell with your "date" and your "feelings".
I am not a tool to fill that void in your heart.

Go pick them off from your long list of girl friends.

2011-02-03T21:20:00.003+08:00

I think people would take me more seriously if I was better looking.
I swear to God I'm fucking SICK of being under-appreciated.

Suddenly I don't trust you.

2011-01-28T00:36:00.002+08:00

"These oceans that seperates us"

This feeling of being in a fairytale, in a fantasy, it hasn't come to me for more than a year.
But I know this is foolish and it's just make believe.
Cuz fairytales don't exist and I just have to keep reminding myself that.

~Te Extrano~

2011-01-01T12:57:00.003+08:00

What is 2011 but just another year where shit is just waiting to be thrown at your face.
Starting off my day with a bad dream, inflamed tonsils and teary eyes.

Happy New Year?
More like Good Luck Have Fun.
We're just another year closer to death anyway why celebrate.
Pessimistic much?

Your words made me tear. In a good way though.

2010-12-01T23:54:00.002+08:00

18?

I feel no different.

Just another year closer to death.

Pardon my pessimism.

2010-11-29T14:06:00.002+08:00

My piano, guitar and lyrics books have been dusting away for months.

I wish I didn't have to conform to this lifestyle.

2010-11-28T11:05:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it's time I went my own way.

I'm a danger to myself and those around me.

2010-11-27T14:12:00.001+08:00

At war with my mind.

2010-11-26T23:42:00.001+08:00

God help me.

2010-11-26T13:33:00.002+08:00

Was I too boring?

Was I too clingy?

Did I care too much?

Why did you go?

Why can't I let it go?

Why are the ghost of our past years still haunting me?

Aren't I over this already?

What's wrong with me?

2010-11-20T20:34:00.001+08:00

~Paranoia~

2010-11-20T01:08:00.002+08:00

I feel kinda stupid thinking about people who don't ever think of me.

And I feel kinda stupid sounding depressive on this blog most of the time.

Gahh.

2010-11-18T22:05:00.001+08:00

So yada yada to haters. And yada yada to school.

I'm dieing for Maiden.

FEBRUARY HURRY UP ALREADY.

2010-11-11T21:39:00.004+08:00

Hey seriously, look at yourself in the mirror before dissing others.

Calling me fat when your ass is bigger than mine?

Sheer insecurity.

Quit the jealous bitching. Sheesh boy, you whine like a girl.

Pussy-whine. Pussy-whine. Pussy-whine.

2010-11-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry.

2010-11-08T16:41:00.000+08:00

Please take me away.

2010-11-03T02:06:00.001+08:00

It would be so fucking nice if someone bothered to appreciate the shit I go through.

No wait, you wouldn't know the shit I go through. Cuz you dont give enough shit about me to find out.

2010-10-30T16:59:00.002+08:00

In the real world, big girls have to take care of themselves.

Cause, in the real world, heroes don't exist.

Give me Novacaine

2010-10-29T01:40:00.004+08:00

I tried writing down a list of all the problems and issues bugging my mind. When I was done, I just stared blankly at the paper for about 5 minutes, tore it up into pieces, burned the pieces with my candles,

and just cried.

Numb. Again.

2010-10-22T01:28:00.002+08:00

Oh, all the things I'll never say.

Patience running thin.

2010-10-20T00:06:00.003+08:00

I positively think that I am gonna have another depression period very very soon.

It's ironic really. You guys know so little about me, yet have so much to say.

2010-10-15T18:19:00.002+08:00

In a very sucky feeling.

And it's suckier when I can't comprehend the absolute root of the problem.

Right now would be a very good time to resort to temporary highs.

2010-10-10T00:05:00.005+08:00

It is foolish beyond reason.

I am foolish beyond reason.

I don't want to be foolish beyond reason.

So I shall cease to care.

Candles, time for us to play again.

2010-10-09T03:58:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I consider the possibility that I have a disorder or two.
I have the oddest thoughts and mental processing that even I get weirded out by.

2010-09-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

I think I'm losing my perfectionism in life.

I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.

2010-09-14T00:57:00.001+08:00

If only you knew how imperfect I truly am. So, so imperfect.

2010-09-05T17:37:00.001+08:00

Looks like I'm gonna fuck up ConB.

I can't study, too busy fighting against period cramps.

This is punishment for playing with cancer stix again.

Fucking thanks.

2010-09-02T15:54:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I would think to myself, how I miss those days when fairytales existed in my life.

When I would dream of dragons, castles, magic and my knight in shining armour.

Then I would wonder, where have those days gone to.

2010-08-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

If you think you've brought me down, think again boy, think again. =)

2010-08-17T00:59:00.003+08:00

I am putting my old books aside. Time to begin on a new one.

Chapter 1

My priorities in life now;

1) Music

2) School

3) Family

4) One or two friends.

I'm sorry past, but you will haunt me no longer. I won't let you.

To those who thought they knew me, made fun of me, bitched about me. Whatever you hypocrites have said against me or lied about in front of me.

Karma will strike you as it striked me.

2010-08-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

It's a good thing I'm unable to fast. It would have been broken if I could have anyway.

2010-08-06T14:30:00.000+08:00

I don't believe in fairytales anymore.

2010-08-05T00:22:00.001+08:00

I ignore it all the time, but the ghost of it haunts me still.

Dear ghost, please go away?

2010-07-25T22:33:00.003+08:00

Friends.

It's quite funny, how people talk about "friends forever" and "true friends". There's no such thing really. They'll leave you.

Everyone of them.

They'll say "I'm just a phonecall away" but if you do call, they never pick up.

They'll say they're busy and they'll try to catch up soon, when truth is you're too boring for them.

And though you sincerely care about them and don't want bad things to happen to them, they just find you annoying.

And when you fall, so hard it's impossible to stand up. They're gone.

Nothing's around you. No one's there.

Just you.

2010-07-19T13:25:00.002+08:00

Please just let me close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep of nothingness.

I don't want to dream.

I don't want to feel.

Cuz I'm tired.

Oh so tired.

2010-07-16T20:18:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it takes a prolonged period of loneliness to fully appreciate those who were there, even if they were not what you expected.

She knows the day will come when their story would have to end. It has always been that way for her, every story with every new person who walks into her life will end, whether she wills for it to happen or not.

But for now, in this moment of time when only he is there and everyone else just seems to have dissapeared, she'll cherish him and every moment she can before this story ends.

2010-07-14T09:05:00.005+08:00

Sometimes you just reach a point in life where you don't care anymore. You just go along with the regularities in your everyday life without meaning.

They say that everything happens for a reason.

But you'd just sit and wonder to yourself what is the reason when nothing happens.

All you can do is just hope that this phase of life passes quickly.

2010-07-03T22:17:00.004+08:00

She feels so normal, it's almost as though yesterday never happened.

And there's this part of her that wants to relive yesterday.

If there was no guarantee she would get better would you have cared?

2010-07-03T14:34:00.004+08:00

The darkness was consuming her.

She was slipping away into the abyss.

She could have let go of everything.

To be honest, there was a part of her that wanted to.

Eternal rest.

But something pulled her back.

2010-07-01T00:35:00.006+08:00

Once again, she is reminded why she should have joined Music and Audio in the first place.

Go ahead and curse her,

her downfall is yours too.

2010-06-29T11:28:00.009+08:00

Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

Since you've been gone

Please come back home

Do you know how much she misses you?

Do you even care?

She understands you over and over.

But you don't even bother to understand her anymore.

When she first met you, her heart and mind were sealed from anyone beyond her shield. But she let you in; you were special.

But you're not that person anymore. And for a long time she has been foolishly wishing more than anything that one day, that person who once looked into her eyes and saw more than just another ordinary girl would re-emerge.

Obviously, wishes don't come true.

But she'll still miss you.

2010-06-25T20:23:00.002+08:00

It's a sunny day in heaven

And no one is around
To open the gates

And I'm waiting for you, my fairweather friend

Absent in the end

Absent in the end,

The one thing I can count on,

Is nothing much at all

The one thing that I'm sure about

Is that you won't be anywhere around me when I fall

I'd like to think that I wouldn't die for you, but you know I would

Cause that's the fool I am

And that's the rule you bend

Absent in the end

Love you only then

Wounds you'll never mend

My Fairweather Friend.

2010-06-24T01:58:00.003+08:00

I love the sound of the piano.

I would play the same note over and over just to listen and feel it resonate amidst the silence.

The keyboard is a wonderful instrument, able to create various sounds and ambiences.

But it's not as magnificent as the piano.

Today, I'm taking 5 minutes of my life to fully appreciate how my mum forced me to sit through those years of piano lessons. I would never understand music if it wasn't for the instrument I first picked music up from.

And understanding music isn't a talent. It's a gift.

I am gifted. And I am grateful.

2010-06-19T01:25:00.002+08:00

This reminds me of MacRitchie.

I miss it.

I need to visit it soon.

Glance Yearningly into the Deep, a Cold and Weary Night.

2010-06-09T22:06:00.002+08:00

"You have so much potential but you don't dare to realise it"

Sigh. This adds on the list of to-dos.

2010-06-06T02:59:00.004+08:00

I could bring you to places youve never imagined.

I could show you the world the way you never saw it.

I could make you feel emotions you never knew existed in reality.

I could hold you in my arms and tell you everything will be alright.

I could give you hope, faith, a sense of being.

The list of "I could"s goes on

But question is, what are your "I could"s for me?

Nothing.

So tell me why am I still here?

Tell me, why should I still be here?

2010-05-26T00:03:00.001+08:00

Slipping away - Sum 41

(on top of Liv Kristine - Fake a smile)

2010-05-21T11:13:00.000+08:00

Liv Kristine - Fake a Smile

2010-05-20T11:14:00.004+08:00

Perhaps its the lack of food? More likely that it's lack of sleep.

And maybe lack of money? I should also believe its the lack of self confidence.

Either ways, my exhaustion level is reaching the limit. Which means skipping school/classes, slacking more, neglecting my studies and going downhill, just like last year.

Which is a NO-NO.

So somehow I need to overcome this exhaustion. Hmmm.

Plan, pls pls pls work.

Things are greying.

I've gone Back to Frozen.

2010-05-19T00:34:00.003+08:00

My english is starting to really suck big time.

I need to stop speaking malay.

And I need to upgrade my books.

LOTR, here I come. (yeah thats what i always say -.-)

Im exhausted. Yeah I know its not as if anyone cares. I'm just feeling awfully random so here I am typing away.

Coffee Club was yummy, my belly is so full. Though it won't be for very long, (or at least I hope, depending if my plan works. And my plans rarely work but heck aye).

My writing skills suck now too. Thats what happens when you become a socially awkward moron who keeps everything to herself for months and forget how to use words to express herself.

My lyrics and poems make Barney songs look like genius now.

Fucking need to do something about this.

Bahh.

I'm gonna go play with my candles now.

Nights world.

2010-05-15T12:50:00.004+08:00

Studies show; Intelligent girls are more depressed because they know what the world's really like.

Sometimes, being a bimbo isnt so bad then aye?

The sickness, it's consuming everyone. The wrongness is growing. It scares me.

2010-05-10T21:21:00.003+08:00

Adib: We will wreck havoc tonight. We will make M1 wish they never gave me free outgoing to your number muahaha.

Me: hahahahahahah

*hangs up*

*phone rings*

Adib: Halloo

Me: Asl kau call aku lagi?

Adib: To entertain me for five seconds. Count to 5.

*counts*

Adib: That's not entertaining enough. Nvm, tonight, we will make M1 regret they ever gave me free outgoing call.

It's crazy how your friends can cheer you up just by being the natural idiots they are.

2010-05-08T02:41:00.002+08:00

I feel stoned. Dazed. Spaced.

Slightly sleepy, but very much awake.

Slightly sad, but very much euphoric.

Radical Face has that effect on me.

Been cooper is a genius.

2010-05-04T00:43:00.003+08:00

There are many types of "beauty" in this world.

And recently, I find myself fascinated by a rather odd type of "beauty".

Welcome Home by Radical Face has been playing on repeat through my mp3 and WMP.

Ben from Radical Face is quirky, odd, not handsome, not hot, dresses horribly, and yet I find him strangely beautiful. He's weird, somewhat retarded-seeming, but yet, I see beauty. It's not something you can quite put in words.

There is quite a difference between a "celebrity" and an "artist". And personally, I believe Ben is an artist. It saddenes me that artists like him are ceasing to ashes. Hmm, makes me ponder.

On another note, today was a great day, spent with my loved ones. In school, after school, and towards the end of the day. Days like these make me feel content with life. And truly, contentment is what most of us seek at the end of the day, whether or not we consciously or subconciously realise it.

I'm in too euphoric of a mood to be writing properly, really, so do pardon me if I sound a little odd today.

Oh well, LaLaland calls. =)

2010-04-28T12:12:00.003+08:00

Type, erase, edit, erase, edit, type, erase, edit, type, erase everything.

Fuck it.

2010-04-26T14:45:00.008+08:00

Just watched The Wild Thornberrys movie. I remember how I used to watch the thornberrys episodes when I was younger, wishing I had her powers. Such a magnificent gift, the ability to commune with animals, to connect and feel at one with nature.

On another note, I'm hoping, with every fibre of my being, that this is just a false alarm. Please, please don't be real.

2010-04-24T15:28:00.005+08:00

Sipping on hot melted chocolate like its warm soup.
I'll just shrug it off. I'll get over it. I always do anyway.

"It's like you don't care about anything, anymore"

Maybe there's just no point in caring anyway.

2010-04-18T15:45:00.003+08:00

I am regretting like hell for not going to black revelations.

Damn, I need money.

~Once a whore You're nothing more I'm sorry that'll never change~

Speak for yourself, piggy.

OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK

2010-04-16T13:44:00.002+08:00

There were alot more marshies but we ate em while making =P

Today was relatively better than yesterday.

Made Choco Marshies with bros.

Was an awful mess in the kitchen, but an awful load of fun.

We practically angkat wudhu with melted choco. Lol. Ohkay yeah I'm exagerrating.

Jam later on and hopefully meeting abang after which to pass him some choco marshies.

*fingers crossed*

It's almost as if last night never happened.

2010-04-14T13:47:00.002+08:00

Iam afraid history is repeating itself. Please dont.

What's the least selfish move to make? Please let this feeling go away.

~How do I save you from the mess you're in~

~When I can't make you leave this tortorous embrace~

~Behind the curtain waits a darker world~

2010-04-09T12:33:00.003+08:00

I amused myself with Lizzie McGuire on youtube while awaiting my forward module meeting.

I can imagine that more than half of you would be happy to hear of my temporary farewell and the rest of you probably wouldn't give a damn.

I am not sure whether to consider this a blessing or a curse. Abit of both perhaps? Either ways, my purpose is to simply get my grades and get the hell out.

Off to watch more Lizzie McGuire.

2010-04-08T01:17:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I get so weird.

I even freak myself out.

I laugh myself to sleep.

It's my lullaby.

Why do I suddenly feel like throwing caution to the wind and just running with the wolves?

I'm having the random-est urge to get myself snakebites and dye extreme blue and flaming red streaks in my hair.

Thinking and pondering over redundant thoughts at every single nanosecond of my life gets exhausting.

And what I like most is that I don't have to think so much when I'm around you.

Possibly that's why?

I want to paint my eyes carribean blue.

2010-04-04T17:51:00.005+08:00

It's extremely vexing when my mind goes blank just when I am about to work on something.

Then I'll end up procastinating and the job never gets down.

What will it take to get my mind working like a normal human being?

Bahh.

I'm gonna go count the clouds now.

2010-04-02T15:47:00.002+08:00

It was foolish of me to have imagined you possessed that ability.

I have a list of lists to make now.

2010-03-31T22:42:00.003+08:00

Chalet with the malay clique was, needless to say, awesome.
And amazingly I didnt pig out like I was afraid I would.
Appetite's dropping again I guess?

Seems as though"truth and dare" is an integral component in any chalet.

But hey, who reads books during chalets? *waves hands up*

All in all, it was a great night.

Can't wait for our next get together.

I'm dreading school, dreading walking along those hallways, dreading eating in that food court. It's such a superficial world, with superficial people, and I'm like from an alternate universe.

Past two days being surrounded by nature, away from the materialistic world has set me thinking.

2010-03-30T13:58:00.002+08:00

It's a state of blisss you think youre dreaming

It's the happiness inside that youre feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

Avril Lavigne - Innocence

2010-03-25T17:01:00.003+08:00

I love it when it rains. I love the breeze that seeps into my room.

I love the sound of the rain pouring.

I love to just lie on my bed and enjoy it as hours pass by and I don't even realise the time.

Now that the rain has ceased, I'm in such a MacRitchie mood.

Why does everything always have to happen for me at the wrong time?

I hate what I just had to do.

I really am sorry.

2010-03-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

"You should start listening to your own advice"

I guess I'm just too stubborn aye?

2010-03-23T00:09:00.004+08:00

It seriously irks me when people like to macam paham talk.

What do you know about love? Obsessing everyday about someone you dont really know deeply? Shiok-ing sendiri? Then calling it a major heartbreak when your crush doesn't like you back. Hah, you don't know half of what heartbreak is.

As lost as I may be in this mystery of "love", I have had enough experience and done enough research to know that what you consider to be love, is bullshit.

I'll tell you one of the things love is; unpiggy.

Now that that's let out, I need to dig out 18 bucks to pay my library fines. I miss immersing myself in books all the way till dawn everyday.

Blood donors, anyone?

2010-03-21T21:38:00.005+08:00

Hilary Duff's Getaway; playing on repeat.

MacRitchie very soon.

The smoke that emanates from my incense stick never fails to fascinate me.